Of course I've wanted to take drugs. Get blazed. To go to those raves, shoot up, roll around during school functions, smoke cigarettes in parking lots. In high school I had access to it. I had friends. Friends that got into the scene. The temptation was ridiculous, and it's kind of scary to admit that it's still there sometimes. I read stories, people's blogs, about things. And I think, I'll never have anything in common with anyone involved in substance abuse. Even former addicts must have amazing stories. I'm more interested in just how warped reality can get. Lately I haven't been able to remember any of my dreams. And those that I do remember are simple worldly things. Just people I've seen. Nothing creative anymore. So I think, drugs are pretty amazing. You're conscious (so to speak...) and you hallucinate. You see things that aren't there and things that are there are other things. These unique experiences. Almost as if I'm missing out on something quite special. But I guess the world has much to hide still. Raquel would tell me all about being lost under sheets and trees of life. Sometimes I want to hang around them, go to these things, see if anything rubs off. See if they have the audacity to spike my drink. To feed me a hashcake or something. You know, that way I'm not guilty of being weak. Not saying that drug users are weak.. weak as in so easily compromising my personal mindsets and outlooks or whatever--all for just a sort of, temporary feeling. A memory. That and people I am truly inspired by, those that just spark my interest. I want to learn more about them, I want to talk to them. I want them to find me interesting as well but it seems the trend is that they've all been through some type of substance abuse. These musicians, these artists, these intellectuals. So I think, how can I possibly dream of playing with these brilliant minds when sharing a fag seems so.. part of the process? Part of being "on the same level" as them sort of. Almost like crossing the border between fan and friend.
The whole drugs thing though. I would never do drugs! It's more of a curiosity thing. If I'm addicted to anything it's discovery. And water maybe. I like finding out things for myself, but with drugs that just won't happen. I can't allow myself to lose control for something so risky, when you lose control I feel you forget. And you let the world become known to you in a sort of wrong way. Passing you by adrift on a cloud.
I'll finish later but.
Dee Plume is my new hero.
And here are some assuring words from Noel:
"If you do too many drugs it takes away any innocence you have. I don't want that. I want to retain a sense of magic. What I do is quite childlike and magical.
"Drugs aren't childlike at all, they're dark."
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